oof i started this account almost 10 years ago just to reblog posts by “kushandwisdom” and anime/kpop fan accounts. it’s kind of embarrassing to look back on all the angst and heartbreak i suffered throughout my adolescence, like i can’t really relate to any of that anymore (which is good because i used to be just sad and angry all the time).
i’m 22 now, working a 9-5 despite my punk ass self 10 years ago wanting to write fiction novels for a living (srsly tho how does a 401k work i’m lost). and yeah thank god i outgrew that toxic phase of waiting for someone to “save me from my inner demons.” i got myself out of this rut somehow, and i’m proud of it. i also found someone who just loves me more than this universe can fucking hold, and honestly after all the relationship trauma and abuse i’ve been through before, i deserve this. i deserve him and his love, i deserve the friends who once had to wait outside my house to make sure i was safe (but i’m also forever indebted to them), i deserve this career i’m starting for myself…
which is why i want to move on by letting go of that stupid ball and chain of the past. i’m not sad anymore, i’m not angry: i’m an adult knee-deep in student debt and i just want to fucking live lol. i haven’t made a personal post like this in years, but it’s my way of putting a bittersweet end to this online archive of negativity.
i started a new blog (@h-ikikomori) as more of an aesthetic mood board and a place to post some old poetry. won’t be deleting this one because of sentimental value, but you probably won’t see me here anymore. thanks for sticking through the lows, bye for now.
remember to cry for help without guilt-tripping. i know it feels like you’ve been abandoned and betrayed, but it’s probably not true, and it’s not okay to accuse the people around you of something they might not have done.
“i guess none of you like me” could be better phrased as “i feel unloved right now”
“but nobody cares anyway” could be better phrased as “i feel insignificant and i need reassurance”
rather than assuming others’ feelings, give them time to explain them. you’ll usually get a much better answer.
et–l:
I keep repeating, “Self-control is just empathy with your future self” and it’s honestly saving my life right now.
